Lullaby
There is plenty of time in my life to think and i admit a lot of the time i think to much about the craziest things. being away from home,i thought about what i have here and what i have going for myself here at home. Its hard for me to admit to myself that no matter how far i try to run my illness is always is going to be there and trust me somedays i still try to run from it. Theres a poem in a book i read called the POTS lullaby and it sticks with me a lot.
POTS LULLABY
now i lay me down to bed, i pray the lord to fall asleep. angels watch me through the night, and wake me with the morning light.
i count sheep, i count shepherds, and i sing lullabies,
i text, i watch reruns of nick at night,
still no sleep is in sight
i pray if i ever do fall asleep that when i wake,
the earth will not spin and the ground will not shake.
i pray that if i can rise, my heart will not race, my chest will not pound and my head and joints will not ache.
i pray to the lord that when i get out of my bed, i wont feel nauseous.
please allow me to run, skip and play like the other kids on my block, without having to be so cautious.
i want things to be the way they were before,
when i could go all day and not be so exhausted,
i pray to the lord, they will one more.
now i lay me down to sleep,
i pray the lord, my energy to restore.
written by: Jodi Rhum
i first read this when i got my initial diagnosis with POTS at 15-16 ish years old. I chose to not believe that this would ever ring true. i chose to deny the challenges that lay ahead. I am now 19 years old and everyday i dream of waking up without my illness and only the wisdom iv learned, the selflessness i have encountered and the view of life i have learned to see be only thing remaining from the illness. i dont think it is weak of me to wish things were different and dream of a life that doesnt constantly test my strength. I think it keeps me honest that yes i have accepted and learn to live with this life i have been given but that doesnt mean i have to wipe away the dream i had growing up, of this life with no limits or boundaries. its taking me a lot of guts to admit this but im writing this because i know there are people if not one person that can relate and that makes it worth it. we dont get to choose what challenges we will face in life and we cant change life as we go. I believe holding onto this dream is a way i dont give up and the way i dont let POTS be the only thing in my life. I know POTS made me make choices i wish i never made, i know a lot of people would still be my friends if i hadent chose to push them away but thats what happened and because of that choice, i now make choices with thought of what the result may be. im a small town girl and i jsut really want to get out in the world and make my mark and learn. the things i have learned the last five years make me curious of what i can learn if i pack a bag and go explore. i know i will one day but for now, im trying to get my story out this way.
God Bless
Hannah
link to youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEUXEwmEkE0Z46LUmH7HXKg
POTS LULLABY
now i lay me down to bed, i pray the lord to fall asleep. angels watch me through the night, and wake me with the morning light.
i count sheep, i count shepherds, and i sing lullabies,
i text, i watch reruns of nick at night,
still no sleep is in sight
i pray if i ever do fall asleep that when i wake,
the earth will not spin and the ground will not shake.
i pray that if i can rise, my heart will not race, my chest will not pound and my head and joints will not ache.
i pray to the lord that when i get out of my bed, i wont feel nauseous.
please allow me to run, skip and play like the other kids on my block, without having to be so cautious.
i want things to be the way they were before,
when i could go all day and not be so exhausted,
i pray to the lord, they will one more.
now i lay me down to sleep,
i pray the lord, my energy to restore.
written by: Jodi Rhum
i first read this when i got my initial diagnosis with POTS at 15-16 ish years old. I chose to not believe that this would ever ring true. i chose to deny the challenges that lay ahead. I am now 19 years old and everyday i dream of waking up without my illness and only the wisdom iv learned, the selflessness i have encountered and the view of life i have learned to see be only thing remaining from the illness. i dont think it is weak of me to wish things were different and dream of a life that doesnt constantly test my strength. I think it keeps me honest that yes i have accepted and learn to live with this life i have been given but that doesnt mean i have to wipe away the dream i had growing up, of this life with no limits or boundaries. its taking me a lot of guts to admit this but im writing this because i know there are people if not one person that can relate and that makes it worth it. we dont get to choose what challenges we will face in life and we cant change life as we go. I believe holding onto this dream is a way i dont give up and the way i dont let POTS be the only thing in my life. I know POTS made me make choices i wish i never made, i know a lot of people would still be my friends if i hadent chose to push them away but thats what happened and because of that choice, i now make choices with thought of what the result may be. im a small town girl and i jsut really want to get out in the world and make my mark and learn. the things i have learned the last five years make me curious of what i can learn if i pack a bag and go explore. i know i will one day but for now, im trying to get my story out this way.
God Bless
Hannah
link to youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEUXEwmEkE0Z46LUmH7HXKg
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