Auto-pilot
That moment i pass through the automatic doors and breathe in the sterile and oh so still air of a hospital, the same thoughts and feelings pass through me. As if its an instinct, i put on a brave face and stand tall, as i put this guard up and calm my mind. Once a week you can find me sitting in the hospital, same routine each time i am there. I find my self almost in auto-pilot, doing the same motions while trying so hard to not let it get to me or feel frustrated.
I walk into a room with 5 chairs, organized in a half circle facing the nurses table; A few smaller chairs for those accompanying the patients to sit in and stare at us; Beside each patient chair is an IV pump that is typical plugged into the wall; There is a blood pressure machine and a small cart full of supplies for iv's.
A fact you may not know is the needles they use to put the IV in you are not all one size, they vary from very tiny to rather large. Turns out the more IV's you get, the more fragile your veins get. Over the last nearly 3 years they have had to use smaller needles, something i would of never known.
After i sit down, my arms are wrapped in a warm blanket, to help "plump up" my veins; I get asked this one question every time and i always have the same answer, "which arm would you like Hannah ?" and i respond "which ever one looks better" No joke EVERY time; I cross my toes and hope the nurse gets it first try but it can vary how many pokes i get.
Any more than 2 pokes and i tend to get looks from the other patients, being that i am usually the youngest one there. It looks worse than it is for me, the only thing that matters is that we get an IV going so i do not count anymore. I used to count the pokes, ill admit that.
Once the IV is going, for 2 1/2 hours (typically) you find different ways to help try and pass the time. unfortunately it is a small hospital and takes 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. A couple hours feel like an entire afternoon in the hospital; After i get 2 bags of saline, i get the IV taken out. I swear its shocking my arms still grow hair with how much tape has been ripped off them. afterwards i head home to take a nap, i am always really tired afterwards. I also hope my arms will not be too bruised and if they are, i hope they heal by next week and i do it all again.
Hopefully you made it through the rather boring play by play of my treatment days. If you skipped over it then here is the important part. I feel as if i have learned to protect myself from the things that are not worth getting overwhelmed by because its something i have to do, no matter how much i dont want to go to the hospital every week. An entire day set aside for the not feeling good, needle pokes, and wishing i was on the beach and not in this circle of chairs that everyone stares at each other while they get their treatment. Learning a way to get through it and understand that yes it does suck but your strong and this is just one hurdle you have become good at getting past.
I walk into a room with 5 chairs, organized in a half circle facing the nurses table; A few smaller chairs for those accompanying the patients to sit in and stare at us; Beside each patient chair is an IV pump that is typical plugged into the wall; There is a blood pressure machine and a small cart full of supplies for iv's.
A fact you may not know is the needles they use to put the IV in you are not all one size, they vary from very tiny to rather large. Turns out the more IV's you get, the more fragile your veins get. Over the last nearly 3 years they have had to use smaller needles, something i would of never known.
After i sit down, my arms are wrapped in a warm blanket, to help "plump up" my veins; I get asked this one question every time and i always have the same answer, "which arm would you like Hannah ?" and i respond "which ever one looks better" No joke EVERY time; I cross my toes and hope the nurse gets it first try but it can vary how many pokes i get.
Any more than 2 pokes and i tend to get looks from the other patients, being that i am usually the youngest one there. It looks worse than it is for me, the only thing that matters is that we get an IV going so i do not count anymore. I used to count the pokes, ill admit that.
Once the IV is going, for 2 1/2 hours (typically) you find different ways to help try and pass the time. unfortunately it is a small hospital and takes 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. A couple hours feel like an entire afternoon in the hospital; After i get 2 bags of saline, i get the IV taken out. I swear its shocking my arms still grow hair with how much tape has been ripped off them. afterwards i head home to take a nap, i am always really tired afterwards. I also hope my arms will not be too bruised and if they are, i hope they heal by next week and i do it all again.
Hopefully you made it through the rather boring play by play of my treatment days. If you skipped over it then here is the important part. I feel as if i have learned to protect myself from the things that are not worth getting overwhelmed by because its something i have to do, no matter how much i dont want to go to the hospital every week. An entire day set aside for the not feeling good, needle pokes, and wishing i was on the beach and not in this circle of chairs that everyone stares at each other while they get their treatment. Learning a way to get through it and understand that yes it does suck but your strong and this is just one hurdle you have become good at getting past.
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